“Freedom comes when you learn to let go, creation comes when you learn to say no.”
Saying ‘no’ is one of the most fundamental means we have for setting boundaries, prioritising our well-being and maintaining healthy relationships. But it’s not always the easiest thing to do. We often feel like we are letting down someone or being seen as being unhelpful or antisocial when we do. This is why we here at What We Reading thought we would pull together some of our favourite books on how to say no. From understanding the psychology behind why we need to, and often struggle with, saying no to learning the best techniques for asserting yourself confidently, these books on how to say no are some of the best guides for regaining balance effectively and compassionately.
The Art Of Saying No – Damon Zahariades
First up on our list of books on how to say no is The Art Of Saying No by Damon Zahariades. This self-help book is designed for the people pleasers out there who are tired of everyone from coworkers to family members demanding time and energy from them and constantly giving it to them. By learning how to turn down requests and decline invitations, he shows how readers can reclaim their boundaries and gain respect from those asking them.
The Art Of Saying No is a step-by-step guide to setting boundaries and developing the assertiveness required to stick by them. Zahariades takes readers through how he was a people pleaser, the reasons why we say ‘yes’ (even when we know we should say ‘no’), why saying no doesn’t make you a bad person (the opposite is the truth) and the best ways of developing the habit of setting personal and professional boundaries.
The Power Of A Positive No: How To Say No And Still Get To Yes – William Ury
William Ury argues why no may be the most powerful word in the English language in his book on how to say no, The Power of a Positive No. In it, he demonstrates how and why saying no the right way is crucial, and presents a proven technique on turning down and declining without damaging your relationships with others.
The Power of a Positive No features a simple three-step method for saying a Positive No that lies in how to make a No firm and assertive, how to resist aggression and manipulation from the other side, and how to do all of this whilst still getting to a Yes that serves your interest. Based on his acclaimed Harvard University course, Ury offers concrete advice and practical examples that readers can take with them into virtually any situation.
The Curse Of Lovely: How To Break Free From The Demands Of Others And Learn How To Say No – Jacqui Marson
Over fifteen years as a clinical psychologist, Jacqui Marson coined the term ‘the curse of lovely’. She did so by observing the growing trend of individuals she saw whose lives, relationships, careers and well-being were being marred by the belief that, to be liked, loved and accepted, they needed to limit themselves to behaviours they thought were acceptable to others. These behaviours include the likes of always being polite, putting others before themselves and never saying no.
Marson’s book The Curse of Lovely is a practical and motivational guide on breaking free of the ‘curse of lovely’ and creating a more fulfilling life. She begins by showing readers how to identify when ‘lovely’ turns into a curse. It then moves on to understanding how to listen to what our bodies need, say no and survive, and how to remain lovely while meeting our needs.
The Power Of Saying No: The New Science Of How To Say No That Puts You In Charge Of Your Life – Vanessa Patrick
In her 2023 personal development book, The Power of Saying No, award-winning researcher and professor Vanessa Patrick illustrates the new science of saying no via the groundbreaking concept of ‘empowered refusal’. This proven framework for how to say no not only puts individuals in charge of their lives but also reveals some surprising secrets about the word no.
The effectiveness of empowered refusal comes from how it does invite pushback from others. From managing difficult askers, and separating the ‘good-for-me’ from the ‘not-good-for-me’ tasks to strengthening your existing relationships, empowered refusal is a unique, positive and meaning-filled approach to effectively managing your energy and ambition. Undoubtedly one of the best contemporary books on how to say no, Patrick’s guide is fascinating, straightforward and accessible for any readers looking for help with conflict resolution, boundaries and difficult conversations.
How To Say No: Stand Your Ground, Assert Yourself, And Make Yourself Be Seen – Patrick King
Patrick King is a number one bestselling author, as well as a renowned Social Interaction Specialist. And his 2021 self-help book, How To Say No, examines the psychology behind those individuals who struggle with standing up for themselves. Delving deeper than just the fear of awkwardness or conflict, this is a book that exposes the beliefs that are holding them back, and how these beliefs can be conquered.
Drawing on a variety of real-life experiences, academic and scientific case studies and coaching practices, King teaches readers about the mindsets they have to change and what they need to be replaced with. He runs through the significance of boundaries and how to enforce them ruthlessly. He also explains how saying no can be one of the most liberating things you can do for yourself, and provides the perfect guide for asserting yourself throughout How To Say No.
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Part-time reader, part-time rambler, and full-time Horror enthusiast, James has been writing for What We Reading since 2022. His earliest reading memories involved Historical Fiction, Fantasy and Horror tales, which he has continued to take with him to this day. James’ favourite books include The Last (Hanna Jameson), The Troop (Nick Cutter) and Chasing The Boogeyman (Richard Chizmar).
